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Getting that First Date

It's been a while since I was in the mode, but I think I remember a few of the basics. And curiously enough, I may even have acquired a certain measure of understanding of what to do, and more importantly, what not to do since I last had to practice what I'm going to preach.

Before embarking on the topic of how to go about getting that first date, it seems of paramount importance to me now, to try and understand why we want to date someone in the first instance. Understanding what we are setting out in pursuit of, helps immeasurably to increase our chances of finding it, as well as avoiding some of the pitfalls that line the narrow path to happiness.

So often when we find ourselves attracted to someone, it is for very inconsequential reasons. "I like redheads. She has red hair. Hmmm! Maybe I'll ask her out." Fair enough. It's okay to have preferences. And it's even okay to favor something you're naturally inclined towards, but be careful. The real stuff is a few inches under the hair, and is much harder to distinguish. The hair can be quite easily changed, in fact may be already, but the mind doesn't take to such makeovers as readily.

The reason for this slight diversion in pursuit of the question, "How do I get that first date" is that understanding what our motives are helps immeasurably in deciding the approach to take in getting someone to go out with us.

Speaking from some personal experience, I think that a quick refresher course in dating might be in order. For starters, it is perfectly fine to want to find someone to be with. Its nature's plan, and whether you're in "breeding, or "non-breeding" mode, you can't escape the urge to merge. So give up the solitary-guy-machismo in advance.
Secondly, dating is about choices. That means it is inherently non-committal, unless otherwise agreed to by both parties, usually not an agenda item on the first date. So if you approach the first date as the original link in an unbroken chain of commitment stretching from here to eternity, by way of holy matrimonial bliss…then you are probably doomed. Lighten up.

It isn't easy to find people we could be generally compatible with in an ongoing way, regardless of the unique aspects of intimacy involved with dating and mating. If you aren't prepared to accept that choices are at the very heart of dating, then you've hamstrung yourself, and the other person from the outset. You can choose to say yes, or you can choose to say no, to any one, and any thing, and so can the other person. Don't like rejections? Who does, but life's full of them, so deal with it. Apply some skin thickener in advance, and go for it.

Now that we have that straight, it's a good time to review. What are we looking for here? Is this just a mindless fling, or are we really yearning to meet someone we might end up seeing on a regular basis. Maybe we just want a friend to talk to. Be honest. There is no right or wrong answer.

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