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[1, 2]
Dealing With Erectile Dysfunction
Chapter 2
Most men feel that not being able to maintain an erection undermines
their masculinity. Although this is untrue, many men seem to feel
it is mandatory that they must be ready, willing and able to have
sex at all times. Most also see sex as a performance where they
play the leading role, and that it must always culminate in intercourse.
Because of these common viewpoints, when a man can't attain or maintain
an erection, he feels frustrated, angry, inadequate, embarrassed
and stressed. The next time he prepares to engage in sexual activity,
he will be nervous - often resulting in the inability to achieve
an erection, causing starting the cycle anew.
Unfortunately, many women do not make this problem any easier on
their partners. Many women believe the myth that her man should
get hard after a simple kiss, or her starting to undress, and in
general be ready on command. This isn't always the case. Some women
with partners with erectile dysfunction take it as a sign that her
partner no longer loves her, or that she is no longer attractive.
She may experience self-doubt, which usually has nothing to do with
the problem, but will often compound the it. Feelings of neglect
or rejection are also very common, but unproductive emotions.
If your partner is experiencing erectile dysfunction, common sense
dictates that you cast aside your own selfish insecurities and be
supportive. First, recognize the problem for what it is, a common
disorder caused by stress or medical condition. Secondly, help your
partner determine what the underlying causes might be, and third,
seek treatment if necessary. Your role in the whole process is to
be supportive, understanding and positive. Doing things such as
putting performance pressure on him, being disappointed or standoffish,
teasing or making fun of him will absolutely exacerbate the
problem. Worse yet, it could result in a communication breakdown
that may develop into long term resentment or distrust in the relationship.
A good way to handle the problem is to be involved in a caring,
compassionate way. If the problem happens only occasionally, let
it go - it's no big deal. If it happens on a regular basis, stop
applying pressure for sex to occur and let him come to you when
he's ready. You can try to talk about it with him, but don't bring
it up constantly if he doesn't want to discuss the issue. If he
is seeking professional treatment, see if you may be included to
some degree with the discussions with the doctor, as this is an
issue that affects you both. Make a point of maintaining a physical
relationship with him in other aspects, for example, if you normally
bathe together on a regular basis, continue to do so, if you normally
like to snuggle on the couch, do that. It is important that you
maintain physical intimacy, so that you don't weaken the bond that
you have. Utilizing this strategy will make the lack of intercourse
in your lives less apparent. It is a good idea to stress how much
you may like what your partner does for you orally - should this
be the case, as this will definitely increase the male's sexual
self-esteem and potentially increase his odds of attaining an erection.
Make sure you let him know how great it is while it's occurring
- as this sexy talk may lead to an erection in itself.
Keep in mind that you are not alone dealing with erectile dysfunction;
millions of couples go through this every year. It is not the worst
thing that could happen as far as medical conditions go. It might
be useful to talk to friends or relatives that may have also experienced
this problem, but most importantly, keep communication lines open
between the two of you.
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