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[1, 2, 3]
Faking Orgasms
Chapter 2
Another situation in which women find themselves feigning bliss
is that wherein they are in bed with a new partner who doesn't seem
to have any of the right moves. Consequently, you find yourself
contemplating the phone call you had earlier with your best friend
rather than what is going on in bed. Then when your partner seems
like he is approaching orgasm you, as if on cue, pretend to climax
also. Now what have you done? If you find yourself in bed with this
guy again, he may treat you to a repeat performance, as you seemed
to enjoy it so much! If not, you've left some future partner subject
to his awkward ministrations.
Ladies, there are a multitude of excuses for faking an orgasm.
For every reason you feel you should, or need, to put on a performance
however, there is a substantially more valid motivation to avoid
this practice. A compelling argument for not faking orgasms is the
dishonesty inherent in this act. Most partnerships deem trust a
primary relationship building block and deception, whatever the
motivation, erodes this foundation. More importantly, you are being
dishonest with yourself. You may find it easy to lie to someone
else, but how do you go about lying to yourself effectively? A third
and substantial reason to refrain from having that faux orgasm is
that you are cementing a flawed behavioral pattern in place. You
keep pretending to enjoy what your partner is doing; he, seeking
to please you persists and perhaps foregoes other elements of his
sexual repertoire (as this seems to be working), and as a result,
you like it even less. This becomes a vicious circle of positive
reinforcement gone awry and it's hard to make it stop. After you've
been having sex with someone for a long period of time, how are
you to tell him after months, or even years have passed that you
have always hated something or other when you have heretofore feigned
delight in it? At that point, you would likely really damage his
ego, and cause him to doubt the whole relationship as well as everything
you've ever said to him.
No matter what your particular reason is for faking an orgasm,
it basically all boils down to one thing: poor communication. It
is very important to communicate your sexual needs to your partner
and so many women fail to. If you can't reach climax by simple intercourse,
tell him that. It doesn't mean that you have to deprive him of what
he likes, but that he will have to also stimulate you either manually
or orally at some point in your sexual rendezvous. If you generally
enjoy the way that he touches you but you just can't achieve orgasm
that night because you are too distracted by what happened at work
that day, encourage him to enjoy himself and then explain to him
later that the reason that you didn't have an orgasm was not because
of his inability to please you, but rather that you had too many
other things on your mind. If you are not feeling like having sex
tell him why! Most men when confronted with "Honey, I love
you but I've had a really tough day at work etc. and I'm not feeling
that sexy right now…" will either understand and ask you
about your day or at worst leave you alone. Many men will offer
you comfort, perhaps in the form of a massage, hug or what have
you - and maybe that's what you really need anyway. If you are afraid
of communicating your needs, how is it that you expect to have them
met? Of course, he may just be trying to coax you out of your sour
mood so he can get some sex - but what's wrong with that?! If it
works, then you will both be happy.
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