|
[1, 2]
Who Pays?
Chapter 2
However, if your date does ending up paying for dinner and you
go out for drinks afterwards, make an attempt to buy the drinks,
or pay for the cab home or something like that. If he does not accept,
that's okay, but you shouldn't really be expecting him to pay for
the whole evening. Whether or not he actually lets you pay is irrelevant,
he will appreciate the offer and at the same time it will show him
that you are an independent, self-sufficient woman.
If you are a little further along in the dating process and you've
gone out on a number of dates already and he (willingly) has paid
for everything, you should soon make some kind of gesture to take
him out for a change. Call him up and tell him that you would like
to take him out for dinner, your treat (make this part very clear).
Chances are that he will be delighted, as so few women actually
do this. If he genuinely feels that he should pay when the two of
you are together, he will probably bring up the fact that it makes
him feel uncomfortable. If this is the case, then you know that
he is a fairly traditional man with more traditional values and
then you can continue on with the relationship knowing that he feels
like that. The older the person is, or in some ethnic groups, the
more common this mentality will be and at that point you can decide
to accept it or not.
The majority of men fall into the group of guys that would be thrilled
if you took your turn paying, at least occasionally. I commonly
hear remarks from women saying that they simply don't have salaries
that allow for them to take their date to a big, fancy evening out
that is going to cost them a bundle. That's okay, take him out for
lunch, and if you can't afford that, take him out for coffee and
dessert; it is more the effort that counts, not the actual dollar
value.
As the relationship progresses and you become a "couple",
if he is still paying for everything and you haven't made efforts
to pay for anything, he is probably getting upset about it. Even
if you do occasionally offer to take him out, salary differences
(if there are any) will become more and more evident. If he asks
you if you want to go out to see a play and you can't afford it,
say so. You can tell him that you might be interested in going but
that it is really not in your budget, then he will know that if
he doesn't pay then the two of you are not going. That's fair, it
gives him the option, but don't get mad if he doesn't spring for
all kinds of things for you when you can't afford them because maybe
he can't afford them either. At some point you'll have to have a
discussion about how often you can afford to go out a week and then
he will know where you stand financially. If on the other hand,
YOU have a higher salary then your date, you should reflect upon
whether you should be paying for more activities than he does. This
reversal of roles is often not comfortable for people (men even
more so than women), but if it works for the two of you, then go
for it. In this day and age there is nothing wrong with the woman
making more than her counterpart.
The main point of this article is not to set new rules in place
of the old, but rather to accept our "modern" roles as
being far more flexible, wherein people may do what they feel most
comfortable with. In this era, women work and make just as much
as men, so why should we continue to expect them to support us?
It is not right to take advantage of a man, just because of the
simple fact that he is a man and expect him to pay for us. Alternately,
why are some women so insulted if a man insists upon paying? It
doesn't mean that he is better than she or is on some type of power/control
trip, it simply means that he wants to do something nice for her
and is perhaps a more traditional male.
|
