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Your Partner, Pornography and You

Ok, let's for the moment assume that everything seems to have been going fine in your relationship, sexual and otherwise. You are attentive and adventurous in bed, he says he likes everything you do with him, and doesn't seem to have a wandering eye.

Then you discover the stack or raunchy magazines hidden in his closet or the fact that he has been surfing porn sites on the Internet.

You are furious. You feel betrayed, hurt and confused all at the same time. Why is he looking at this stuff - are you not sexy enough? Why is he sneaking around behind your back to look at these images? You thought everything was fine …what do these women in the magazines have that you can't seem to provide? Is he cheating on you? You thought males grew out of looking at this stuff in their teens - what's wrong with him? All of these thoughts and others may crowd your mind in the first 5 minutes after your discovery.

Then the reality of the situation sets in and you step back to try to figure out what you are going to do about it. Do you confront him? Do you just leave it alone and bottle up what feelings you have? Will you always be suspicious of what he is doing in the bathroom or when you aren't around from now on? How can you trust him?

Well, before you do something rash, let's take a closer look at the situation. So, ok, did you think that because you were in a relationship now that he had stopped masturbating? Did you? Let's face it, relationship or not, 80% of males, when pressed, will tell you they masturbate, and the remaining 20% are liars. In fact there is growing evidence that there is a biological imperative associated with masturbation. Click here for an article on exactly that topic.

So what does that have to do with anything? Men are much more visual creatures than women when it comes to sexuality. Where women can generally concoct a much better fantasy in their heads then they could find rendered in picture form within the pages of a magazine, men seem to respond more to the visual cues they might find therein. But why does he have to look at other women to get aroused? I am certain that he doesn't. This being said however, do you always think about your man when having sex or masturbating? I didn't think so. So while you are enjoying your own body imagining a situation with the Purolator man, your man is fantasizing about nameless women with a little technical assistance.

So why, if he is aroused, does he not come just come to you? Well, chances are he has been satisfying himself for many years before he met you… did you expect him to just stop? By this point, it is a pleasant part of his life. It does nothing to diminish his desire for you, in fact, if nothing else it will serve to increase it. On the plus side, he will often have more staying power in bed as a result of masturbation in the hours before he is intimate with you. Additionally you have to consider - are you aroused every time he is? Would he be able to count on you to scratch his itch every time… and he yours?

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