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Celibacy

Here's a subject I'm really comfortable with. I was, after all, celibate for the first 19 years of my life, if you don't count masturbation. But does that count? I guess it would depend on how you defined celibacy. To some it means not having sex with another person. To others, it means not having sex at all. Nada. No genital pleasure, including masturbation. Regardless of how you define the word, it seems to me that there are really two quite distinctly different types of celibacy from the outset. The first being voluntary celibacy, for whatever reasons or purposes a person might choose to do such a thing, and the other, much more common variety being involuntary.

Looking at the former variety, voluntary celibacy, I'm inclined to subdivide again by two, between permanent, and temporary celibacy. Permanent celibacy can be a choice, often made for spiritual reasons, such as the vow of chastity one might make when entering a religious order. Advocates of this tradition maintain that abstaining from fleshly pursuits enables them to focus, or harness energy that might be expended sexually, and channel it toward higher intellectual and spiritual connection to God. Fair enough.

Detractors of the practice argue that we are going against the very nature God invested us with if we deny of our sexual natures, and this further frustrates intimacy and loving relationships that help connect us to each other, and ultimately even to God.

I feel compelled to state here that I was raised, somewhat casually, in the Roman Catholic faith as a child. I subsequently strayed from the fold as they say, and have been duly excommunicated, as prescribed by that particular faith, and essentially had my connection to God cut off for non-payment of spiritual arrears. I'm not actually anti-spiritual, but I have what I feel is a healthy skepticism about religion. I don't believe in God, but if I did, I'm sure he wouldn't have given me this penis, and then expected me not to play with it. However, if one chooses this path and feels that it's right for them, I say bravo, and good luck. You'll need it.

It has been my observation though, that people sometimes take this vow for very suspect reasons, not as a considered and lucid choice, but rather in reaction to something else, and as a means of avoiding something about their sexuality that they prefer not to deal with. This is dangerous and wrong. You don't run off to the monastery because you think you might be gay, or because your girlfriend broke your heart. That is what the French Foreign Legion is for.

This leads nicely into the next area of discussion, namely temporary celibacy. There are many valid reasons why we may choose to remain temporarily celibate. Celibacy is becoming the norm for more and more sexually savvy young people. Celibacy as a choice before achieving the emotional maturity to deal with a full-fledged intimate sexual relationship has much to recommend it, and leaves resources free to pursue other areas of development during a very busy time of life.

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