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[1, 2, 3]
Are You Hurting Men Unintentionally?
Chapter 2
On the other hand, perhaps you do really like him and think that
maybe if you spend enough time with him you will at some point become
sexually attracted. Worse yet, what if you are on this train of
thought and decide that you should fix the whole problem by having
sex with him! You might come to this justification in your head
by thinking that maybe if you just sleep with him, you might become
more attracted to him - he could be wild in bed, or at least it
may bring some sort of comfortable intimacy. Besides, you haven't
had sex in a while and can't deny yourself any longer.
Either way, no matter whether you are the former - avoiding physical
contact, or the latter - going for the sex, you have got to stop
now! I have myself been in this situation, and I have known girlfriends
let similar situations drag on for months on end. All that is happening
here is that you are leading this guy on, and he probably thinks
that this relationship has potential and is going to pursue it.
The longer you let the charade go on, the worse you are going to
end up hurting him. Now, of course you haven't intentionally tried
to, in fact you quite like him as a person, which is why the situation
got out of hand to begin with.
All you can do, and what you should have done from the beginning,
(and hopefully what all of us will do next time) is to talk to him
in an honest, sensitive and straightforward manner. Tell him that
you really enjoy the time that you spend together, but that you
are unsure of your physical or sexual feelings towards him. Let
him decide whether, with that new-found information, he wants to
continue with the relationship or not. The two of you may decide
that you're going to take things slowly and see what happens, or
he may decide that he feels rejected by you and doesn't want to
see you anymore. Really, the ball is in his court and anyway, you've
brought this on yourself for not being completely honest to begin
with.
If you are certain that sexually you are absolutely not interested
in him, you have to tell him, nicely. It will, however, be a severe
blow to his ego and perhaps hurt him deeply. Whether he was falling
in love with you or not, you have put his perception of his own
masculinity in jeopardy. You should also skip the "we can still
be friends" speech. If you wish to continue the relationship
on a friends only basis, you can tell him that and he may be willing,
but don't be surprised if he wants nothing to do with you (especially
if you've slept with him). Can you blame him? Who wants to be friends
with someone who is dishonest?
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