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Informing Your Partner You Have Contracted an STD

Something is not quite right. You go visit your doctor and your suspicions have been confirmed, you've contracted a sexually transmitted disease, or STD. Your first reaction is shock and disbelief, quickly followed by anger. Depending on the particular STD that you have, some like chlamydia, are easily treated, while others, including HIV can be deadly.

This situation arises in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people in North America alone every year. Even though safe sex is being taught at schools and is well publicized by the media and local health departments, the rate of infection does not seem to be dropping. After getting over the immediate shock of the diagnosis, you have to decide how to deal both physically and emotionally with this issue. For most people, the emotional side is just as hard, or even harder to deal with than the physical side of things.

First of all, you have to figure out from whom you've contracted this disease. At this point in time, most people are very angry with the person they believe responsible. Regardless, you have to deal with the situation like an adult. There are many ways in which this might play out:

In one possible scenario, you are single and have been with multiple partners in the last few months. It is your obligation to contact these people and tell them that you have contracted an STD and that they had best get examined. In many countries, you are obliged to do this by law, in fact, most health clinics won't let you leave without giving the names of the partners you have had contact with. While it is very embarrassing to call up someone that you may have had a little fling with and inform them as to the situation, you absolutely must do it. If they have the condition as well, they could be passing it along unknowingly to other people.

In a second possible scenario, you are single, have contracted an incurable STD such as HIV, Hepatitis, or Herpes. You have already gone through the above step and you are trying to get on with your life. You start dating someone new and they want to have sexual relations with you. Maybe you're stalling because you don't know what to do.

YOU MUST TELL YOUR PARTNER BEFORE ENGAGING IN A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.

No matter how awkward and embarrassing it is, it has to be done. You are putting someone else's health and possibly life at risk because of your own selfish desires if you don't. If this is a permanent part of your life, then your new partner has a right to know the risks involved in having sex with you. They must decide for themselves whether or not to proceed after you have made them better able to evaluate the particular risk to them. For example, with hepatitis or herpes, you may often participate in intercourse safely if you are using a condom (with herpes, you must also make sure that you are not having a flare-up) but there are no guarantees. Herpes may be rarely transmitted while wearing a condom and with no visible signs of outbreak due to invisible viral shedding. With HIV the line is fuzzier, as there is more than one way that the disease can be transmitted. In any case, it is up to your new partner to decide whether these risks are worth it.

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